This Is When Worlds Collide And Days Are Dark
by DopeyPixie
Summary: "The cruelest lies are often told in silence." Robert Louis Stevenson WARNING: Nothing too graphic, but it might still be triggering.
1. Impaired

My third Criminal Minds fic. Same author's notes as my last one: I don't watch Criminal Minds as much as most of you probably do so it's quite possible the characters will be out of character. Also, English isn't my mother tongue so I'm sorry if there are any spelling/grammar mistakes. The first quote applies to the first half, the last quote to the second half.  
Also, this is just an one-shot.

Enjoy!

* * *

''I'm not upset that you lied to me, I'm upset that from now on I can't believe you.'' Friedrich Nietzsche

* * *

He listened to the sound of his footsteps; trying not to focus on how worried he was, as he took the short walk down the hall to her small office. Derek had just gotten back from one of the many cases and he had immediately rushed back to the bureau to see her. They had been gone for a week, a little longer than usual, but that wasn't why he was worried.

Penelope had sounded fine the first day, over the phone, nothing to be alarmed about. She had sounded fine the second day as well, the third day too. But the fourth day... before she had even spoken a word he had sensed something was very wrong.

He could hear the tears she was holding back, the pain evident in her voice when she finally said ''hello''. Just the fact that she had said 'hello' instead of one of her more playful greetings, that had been enough to make him panic. The rest of the phone call had been the same, no playful banter, not even a little bit of flirting. She had answered all of his questions and then hung up.

He had asked her multiple times what was wrong but she never answered.

He came to a halt in front of the wooden door, lightly knocking on it twice. It took a few seconds before he heard the faint 'come in'. He slowly opened the door, a little afraid of what he might see next. The first thing he noticed was the way she was dressed, one of her many colorful creations, just not as sexy as usual: blue turtleneck with a pink jacket, a skirt that was longer than usual and she was wearing green Mary-Jane heels with a pink bow on each side. It would look crazy on any other person, but her...

He knew she'd been crying when he saw her face, and not just because of the mascara stains and the red eyes, it was more of a feeling. All he knew was that it broke his heart within barely a second. He swallowed hard and immediately rushed over to her.

She just looked at him and scooted her chair back, away from him. ''Hi,'' she greeted as he stopped in front of her, knowing by her reaction that he probably shouldn't get too close. ''What're you doing here?'' She asked him.

He looked a little confused, ''what am I doing here? I'm worried about you! Why won't you tell me what's wrong?'' He asked. He had sounded a little angry when he started talking, but the sadness that seemed to fill the room had an effect on him. By the time he had come to his last sentence he felt like crying.

''Nothing is wrong,'' she said plainly, keeping up her best poker face. She bit down on her lip, 'great, lie to a profiler, that'll work', she told herself. She saw the look on his face. She wanted to tell him the truth; she needed to tell him the truth. For her own sake, for his... for the sake of their friendship. But she couldn't... it was that simple. He couldn't handle the truth, he could handle everything else, but that... No!

'You can't tell him', she told herself. 'It will only hurt him.'

A hurt look crossed his face as he kept his eyes on here, ''why're you lying to me?'' He asked.  
''I'm not,'' and that was another lie. She took a deep breath, she usually never lied to him, but she had to now.

His eyes were glued on her, taking in every move she made, the way she breathed. She looked down at her hands when she saw that he wasn't as much mad, because she wouldn't tell him, as he was hurt, because she didn't trust him.

He turned around and took a step towards the door, ''wait!'' He turned around when her voice pierced through the silence.  
''What?'' He asked, ready for more lies.  
She looked at him for a second, ''I- ehm, broke up with Kevin,'' she told him.

He felt his heart take a little jump of joy but kept a straight face, she didn't have to know how happy he was about this. ''Oh,'' was all he managed to get out.  
She frowned slightly, confused by his reaction - or perhaps, the lack of reaction. ''And that's why I've been... off, these past few days,'' she said, her eyebrows slightly raised as she kept her gaze on him.

He could tell that wasn't all, in fact he felt that there was much, much more to the story. But he didn't have to think about that right now. She had opened up a little bit to him, she'd tell him more later. This was enough for now and he didn't want to pry when she obviously didn't want to say anything.

Penelope saw he was satisfied with the answer and turned back to her babies. He opened the door a little bit and turned back to her, ''I'm sorry,'' he said quietly, just loud enough for her to hear.  
He saw her freeze, not moving, or even breathing, for a few seconds. A frown crossed his face, ''Penelope?'' He asked, trying to get her attention.

She seemed to snap out of it and turned her attention back to him, ''yeah?'' She asked, an upset look of her face.  
''Are you okay?'' He asked, a little startled by her reaction to the two small words.  
''Fine,'' she kept her gaze on him as yet another lie escaped her mouth.

He nodded slightly, deciding not to press the matter, ''I'm sorry about you and Kevin,'' he repeated before he walked out the door. He had gotten more questions than answers and his confusion had tripled, at the least.

Penelope watched the door close and let out a breath she didn't know she was keeping inside. She fooled him at least a little bit, and she was glad that he hadn't asked why she had broken up with the other tech analyst. ''If only he knew...'' she said quietly as she turned back to the monitor with tears running down her cheeks.

* * *

She heard the door close behind her and looked around at the small, yet very pretty, apartment with a sigh. _''Now don't tell me you didn't enjoy that_,'' she heard Kevin say, followed by a chuckle. Her gaze landed on the couch, that couch... She shook her head; she wasn't going to think about this. She turned to walk to the small kitchen and saw the broken coffee mug lie on the floor. There were a few blood spatters on the wall and on the floor.

It may not look too bad compared to one of the many crime scenes the team crossed more often than they'd like. But Penelope saw so much more: she saw the kitchen were the argument began. She saw the coffee mug he had tried to smash in her face, blind with rage. She saw the blood spatters that had landed there because of the blood in her mouth from him punching her. She saw the couch where earlier that night they had talked, she saw the couch on which he had...

_''You don't have to get so jealous,'' she told him as she stood up from the couch, her mug in her hand._

_''Jealous? You're spending every moment you can with him. You flirt with him all the time, you call him 'hot stuff' for God's sake! I'm just asking you to tone it down a bit, is that too much to ask?'' He yelled at her and she turned away from him.  
_

_''I can't talk to you when you're like this,'' was all she said. She knew that arguing with him wasn't a good idea; she had seen him in enough bad moods to know it was best for one of them to leave. And now that he had drank a few glasses of wine..._

_''You can't talk to me when I'm like this?'' He repeated her in a mocking tone of voice. ''I've dealt with all the flirting for years and now... I'm sick of it!"  
_

_''Kevin, I...'' she began.  
''Why isn't my love enough for you?'' He asked her, sounding desperate.  
''Look, Kevin, I love you. But...''  
_

_''But?'' He shouted, he couldn't believe there was a 'but' to that sentence. They both stood there facing each other for a few seconds, ''you love him more than you love me, don't you?'' He said, his voice breaking slightly. He sounded like a little kid. Kevin just couldn't believe this was happening yet again...  
_

_Penelope didn't know what to say. Did she love Derek more than Kevin? For a second she thought about this. Though she didn't want to admit it, there was no denying it: she loved Derek a couple of hundred times more than she loved Kevin. She knew she had settled for Kevin, it had been a decision she had only made because she couldn't have the love of her life.  
_

_Kevin tried to keep hope in his heart that she would prove she loved him, Kevin, more. But when he saw her face he knew he had lost.  
_

_He took a deep breath, he didn't want to cry in front of her. If he was going to go down, he was going like a man. Not like a sad, pathetic little girl bawling her eyes out. He felt so much pain radiating through his body, he couldn't think clearly anymore. His hands turned into fists and he dug his nails into his hands.  
_

_She closed her eyes when he grabbed her hair and pushed her back against the wall. She fell onto the floor instead and was started by his sudden reaction. He had been so calm for a few seconds. 'Calm before the storm, I guess', she thought. She blinked a few times trying to get the black spots on her vision to disappear. She stood back up and when she could finally see him again he was coming at her, a mug in his hand. She dug away just in time and heard the mug smash against the wall.  
_

_''What the...'' she began, her voice higher than usual due to the shock.  
_

_She could see tears glisten in his eyes as he grabbed her arms and pushed her against the wall before he leaned down and kissed her. For a second she could feel the love they once had, years ago when they had just started dating. Before she could take notice of what was happening she kissed him back, only to break away after a few seconds.  
_

_''I can't do this,'' she whispered and tried to step away from him. She was breaking up but still she felt hurt. She rubbed her left arm a little bit; it hurt from where Kevin had grabbed it.  
_

_She felt his fist connect with the side of her face again and blood filled her mouth. She turned away from him and he shoved her into the wall, she could feel some blood escape her mouth and get on the wall, leaving a couple of small stains. She choked on the warm liquid in her mouth and started to cough into her hand._

_ When she looked back up she saw him looking at her with anger, her hand dropped to her side. Some drops of blood dropped on the floor, but she didn't care.  
_

_She looked back down at her feet and took a few steps towards the couch; al she knew was that she had to get away from him. She was very vulnerable right now and she knew that he would take advantage of that. She didn't want to believe that he would, but she did. She gasped when she could feel his hands against her back, shoving her to the floor.  
_

_She moaned in pain as the side of her head hit something on the floor and she landed face down. Though she hated to admit it to herself; she had gotten used to these tempers. She had been through this more than once, but this was getting a bit out of control.  
_

_''Kevin,'' she tried to say it in a calming voice but that didn't have any effect on him. She tried to stand back up and when she looked over at him she felt fear fill her. She was only half back on her feet when she started crawling away from him. ''Kevin, you need to calm down. Now!'' She said, trying to get him to pay attention to what she was saying. All she could tell was that he was already off in his little world, to angry to pay attention to what she was saying.  
_

_''Kevin, you-'' she was cut off when he pushed her back down on the floor and she felt his foot kicking her in the stomach. She screamed out in pain as he kicked a few more time. She squeezed her eyes shut when he grabbed the front of her shirt and pushed her onto the couch. She was confused by this for a second. She opened her eyes and sat up, trying to sit as still as possible, trying not to make any sudden moves as if he were a wild animal or something.  
_

_He took a step towards her, his eyes glued on her. She closed her eyes again and turned her head away. 'No way that I'm going to kiss him again', was all she thought.  
_

_''I'm sorry,'' was the last thing he said before she could feel him yank at the hem of her shirt. Her eyes flew open..._

Penelope rubbed her eyes. She didn't want to think about it anymore, she didn't want to hear him whisper in her ear when she tried to sleep. She didn't want to feel his hands on her when somebody else tried to comfort her, despite the fact that they didn't know what had happened. She shook her head and rushed over to her bedroom, stood still for a second and then turned on her heel to head to the bathroom. She got undressed as fast as she could and stepped into the shower.

She had to wash all of his touches off, wash away all of the evidence. Maybe that would make it all go away. She felt the hot water hit her skin and she closed her eyes, only to have another flashback pop up:

_She felt him push himself off of her but kept her eyes close. She couldn't look at him. The only sounds heard where her soft whimpers and the sound of him zipping up his fly. She could feel him in leaning in and he kissed her cheek, ''now don't tell me you didn't enjoy that.''_

* * *

''I just want to sleep. A coma would be nice. Or amnesia. Anything, just to get rid of this, these thoughts, whispers in my mind. Did he rape my head, too?'' Laurie Halse Anderson

* * *

Please review! I'm extremely thankful for any and all feedback!


	2. Adverse Reaction

Okay, so I know a lot of you won't like the beginning of this chapter since it makes him sound like a victim, but I really wanted to put that in there. There are so many stories like this out there and most of them only focus on the victim and not what the perpetrator might feel, so I wanted to explore that a little more. Please don't hate on me for writing it like this!  
Enjoy!

* * *

''You're born, you die, and in between you make a lot of mistakes.'' Unknown Author

* * *

''Good morning, FBI human resources department, this is agent Lockwood,'' Kevin smiled as he heard the familiar voice of agent London Lockwood greet him.  
''Hi London, it's Kevin,'' he began, ''Kevin Lynch,'' he quickly added.  
''Good morning, Kevin,'' London answered, smiling at the familiar voice. She already knew why he was calling; the same reason he had called every day for the past four days. ''Are you still sick?'' She asked him anyway.

''Yeah,'' he said quietly. He hated doing this; it made him sound like he was lazy. ''Still really bad stomach aches, so it might be better if I stay home today.''  
''Okay,'' she said as she made a short note about it to give to his boss, ''anything else I can do for you?''  
''No,'' he said curtly,'' thanks.''  
''Your welcome, and get well soon,'' London said before they both hung up.

Kevin sighed as he hung up and he slipped down the wall, sitting on the ground with his knees up to his chest. He had called in sick every single day since that night... He still couldn't believe he had actually done that.

He had heard of plenty of men doing _that_, and had always been disgusted by it, and now he was one of them. One of those awful men who could hurt a woman like that. He never thought he had it in him; he had never been much of an alpha-male. He had left her there... he had half beaten-her-to-death, raped her and then just left her there. He had gone home like nothing had happened, went to bed and when he woke up the next morning... Kevin didn't know how to describe that feeling, the intense self-hate, the almost wanting to kill himself kind of hate.

But he knew killing himself wouldn't help, first of all; he knew he could never hurt himself physically, the mental damage had started already, and second: it wouldn't help anybody. If he killed himself he could never be punished for what he had done and just move on, because that was all he wanted to do: move on. He wanted to get this feeling out of the way, move someplace far away and start a new life.

He shook his head as he buried his head in his hands. The thought of how much pain he had caused her... it was too much. ''Why did I do that? Why did I do that?'' He mumbled to himself, just like he had done every day for the past four days.

He couldn't even begin to imagine how hurt she must have felt, he wondered if she had told anyone, how she was dealing with it... How she was going to cope with this...

As he tried to remember it only flashes of it came back to him. The anger had been so overwhelming, he had just wanted to make her understand how much her words had hurt him, he had wanted to make her feel as hurt as he was. A kind of revenge that, even before it had started, he knew he was going to regret. He looked down at his shaking hands, the hands that had caused so much pain in such a short time.

* * *

Penelope wrapped her arms tightly around her stomach, her head resting on the soft pillow. She took a deep breath as the sound of his voice resounded in her head. ''Now don't tell me you didn't enjoy that,'' she bit her lip as the tone of it came back to her. The words kept repeating in her head as she tried to shut her mind down, hoping there would be some peace at last.

She glanced over at her alarm clock; it would go off in less than 2 minutes... She already moved her hand to the snooze button and just waited, still, she was startled when the radio suddenly started to play. She quickly pressed the button, took a deep breath and swung her legs over the edge of the bed.

She looked around the room, her clothes from the day before were neatly folded and lying on a chair in the corner of the room. Her slightly see-through curtains were closed... Everything looked as normal as it could, a little too normal, especially considering what had happened. Penelope put on her glasses, which had been on the nightstand, slowly stood up and walked into the bathroom, looking into the mirror.

She hadn't dried her hair properly after showering the night before, that combined with going to sleep soon afterwards made her hair stick out in about ten different directions. She combed through it with her fingers a few times before giving up and getting a hair straightener out of the cabinet underneath the sink. As she did her hair she studied her face in the mirror.

The bruises were already beginning to fade, and with just a little make up she could cover them up in a way that you'd only see them if you knew they were there. The bruises on the rest of her body were worse, but she could cover those up with clothing, though she might look a little more conservative than she normally would.

The bruises on her soul on the other hand: she could only cover those up with a fake smile and feigned happiness.

No matter how damaged she looked on the outside, it would never match how damaged she was on the inside. On the one hand she was grateful for that: she wasn't ready to talk about this just yet. She didn't know how long it would take until she was, maybe that moment would never come, but for now; this was good enough.

On the other hand she wasn't happy about it at all. If she would look as hurt on the outside as she was on the inside than people would understand why she behaved the way she did, she would have a reason to be quiet and sad without having to explain why she was.

She sighed as she thought back to that night... ''Why did I tell him that?'' She asked herself as she looked at herself in the mirror, shaking her head slightly. She should've never told Kevin that she loved Derek more, it might be true but even as she was saying it - and even before she had said it - she already knew it was a bad idea. She knew it would piss him off and she knew he would hurt her but she had done it anyway.

She knew he would hurt her, she knew he would hit her, she knew he would yell at her... But she had never expected him to rape her. She never expected him to put his hands on her the way he had. She had looked at his face and had seen that all the love between them had died.

She had seen that he didn't care if he made her cry, she had seen that if she had lied he would've seen right through it. That was why she had been so honest; she had given up on trying to make him happy. She knew he would hurt her, but she gave up anyway.

She shouldn't have done that... If she hadn't given up he wouldn't have hurt her and she could've kept up the illusion that she was happy in their relationship. That was what her plan had been all along: then she wouldn't have to face the questions people would have if they found out, because she knew there would be a thousand questions...

''If I would just have kept him happy... It's just one little thing; I only had to do one thing and even that I messed up!'' She said to herself with an angry frown on her face.

As she finished straightening her hair she walked into the living room and picked up a piece of paper off of the small coffee table and read it. There was a counseling centre for rape victims nearby and this was an article from their website that she had printed out the day after_ it_ had happened. She had read the words over and over again but it didn't really sink in.

'It's not your fault', 'you did not deserve it', 'don't ever blame yourself'...

The words just floated around inside her head without really attaching them self to any thought and making a difference. Penelope picked up the remote control of her stereo and pressed the power button as she made her way to the kitchen, still in her pajamas. She hummed along to the tune that came out of the speakers. She knew the song but couldn't quite remember what song it was.

_'We didn't respect it_  
_We went and neglected it_  
_We didn't deserve it_  
_But I never expected this'_

Penelope could feel herself stop breathing as the words pierced through every thought inside her mind. She turned around to her stereo, ''seriously?'' She muttered with a distraught look on her face.

_'Our love floated out the window_  
_Our love floated out the back door_  
_Our love floated up in the sky to heaven_  
_It's part of a plan_  
_It's back in God's hands_  
_Back in God's hands'_

Why did this song have to come on? Out of all of the songs they could've played, all the millions of happy, sad, joyful, dramatic songs they could've played they picked this one? She hadn't heard the song on the radio in months, and now all of a sudden they just had to play it!

_'It didn't last_  
_It's a thing of the past_  
_Oh we didn't understand_  
_Just what we had_  
_Oh I want it back_  
_Just what we had_  
_Oh I want it back_  
_Oh just what we had'_

Penelope picked up the remote and turned off the radio before the next song could come on. She picked up the phone; she couldn't go to work when she was like this. She had worked through plenty of painful moments - she had even tried to keep working when she got shot - but now, now she couldn't do it anymore. And the team should be able to survive at least a few days without her, right?

Just as she was about to press the 2 - she had it on speed dial - her phone suddenly went off. She rolled her eyes; of course it's going to ring, since that's the last thing I need right now...

''Penelope Garcia,'' she said with a slight groan, picking up the phone.  
''We've got a new case,'' she could hear JJ say simply on the other end.  
Penelope let out a slight sigh, not loud enough for JJ to hear, ''I'll be there in 20,'' she replied.

* * *

''There are wounds that never show on the body that are deeper and more hurtful than anything that bleeds.'' Laurell K. Hamilton

* * *

Please review! I appreciate all the feedback I get!


	3. The Other Side of This Life

So, third chapter. I'm sorry it took me a while to write this but I've been working on a couple of different stories as well, including the story of my life! (If you want, you can read it on my FictionPress account, link is on my channel).

Aside from that: this is the first time I'm actually writing a case and I'm really nervous about it! I hope I made it at least a little believable and I just want everybody to know that it's not my intention to offend anyone when I reveal more details about the case. On another note: I just picked a random town, I don't actually know anything about it, so if I get anything about it wrong; don't hate me!

Enjoy!

* * *

''We all go through life like bulls in a china shop. A chip here, a crack there. Doing damage to ourselves. To other people. The problem is trying to figure out how to control the damage we have done. Or that's been done to us. Sometimes the damage catches us by surprise. Sometimes we think we can fix the damage.

And sometimes, the damage is something we can't even see.''

* * *

As Penelope walked into the conference room she noticed everybody was already there. Still half asleep, having gotten back from a case just two days before. She hadn't spoken with any of them since they had just gotten back and when she saw the look on Derek's face she knew that he was still mad at her.

''Sorry,'' she mumbled as she sat down as well and looked down at the case file in front of her.

''It's okay,'' JJ said to her before turning her attention back to the screen. ''There have been two murders in the past two weeks in Great Barrington, Maryland. Two weeks ago a local carpenter found 22-year-old Abigail Thomson dumped on the side of the road. She had been strangled with a blue wire which was still wrapped around her neck, there was bruising all over her body and her left wrist was broken,'' JJ said as the screen showed some of the pictures which had been taken at the crime scene.

The whole team looked at the young woman as JJ continued to speak, ''she also had a couple of broken ribs, a broken jaw, broken nose and her right eye-socket was fractured. Then, last Sunday two teenagers found 19-year-old Winnie Cunningham just down the road from where Abigail had been found. She also had a blue wire wrapped around her throat, and again autopsy confirmed that strangulation was what killed her. Blood test showed signs of GHB, it was likely that because of this she was already unconscious when she was murdered, and she didn't have as many fractures and bruises as Abigail did.'' JJ said as she clicked with her remote to the other photos.

''Was there any sign of rape?'' Rossi asked as he looked through the file.  
''No,'' JJ said. ''Neither one of them showed any sign of sexual abuse.''

''Where did they disappear from?'' Reid asked as he looked up from the file in front of him with a frown.  
''Abigail was kidnapped from her home, probably during the night or early in the morning. Co-workers became worried when she didn't show up for work. Winnie got abducted after leaving a local convenience store to run an errand for her mother,'' JJ said.

Morgan looked at the photos of the two young women. They both were tall, thin women with dark wavy hair, dark eyes and full lips. But Abigail was dark-skinned, while Winnie was pretty much a lighter shade of pale with freckles.

Just as he was about so say something about this JJ continued, ''three days ago, on Sunday, 28-year-old Rosalyn Goodall was reported as missing after not showing up for her book club,'' she said as she showed them a photo of another woman. Dark brown hair, blue eyes, even paler than Winnie, not to mention the fact that she was older than the other two.

''Did they have any families?'' Prentiss asked as she looked at the photos of the three women side by side.  
''Winnie has a two-year-old daughter with her ex-boyfriend, Abigail recently got engaged to her long term boyfriend and Rosalyn has been married for six years with two young sons,'' JJ told her.

''There aren't many similarities between the three,'' Derek finally said. ''Two of them were in a relationship, one wasn't. Two of them had kids, one didn't. Not to mention they were of different races, different ages...''  
JJ looked back at the screen. ''The only reason the local P.D. is sure that they're dealing with a serial killer is because the UnSub left the same note at all the different crime scenes. In Abigail's house he left the note '_They_ did something wrong, it's time to make things right.', he taped the same note on the door of the convenience store where Winnie went and he also left it in Rosalyn's car which was parked on the side of the road,'' JJ explained.

'' 'They did something wrong, it's time to make things right.'?'' Emily asked as she looked at the pictures of the notes. ''Who is _they_?'' She asked as she looked up at her co-workers - and close friends.  
''And what did they do wrong?'' Reid asked, looking up as well.

It was only a matter of seconds before Hotch stood up, ''wheels up in thirty.''

* * *

''Baby girl, what can you tell us?'' Derek asked as he looked at the laptop. Though there were clearly some problems between the two of them - and he knew without a doubt that everybody had noticed - he wanted to pretend that things were fine.

''Okay, so there isn't anything too detailed that I could find. None of them were really into social media so that doesn't help. Ehm, Abigail is a paralegal in a big law firm in a nearby town. She got engaged to her boyfriend of five years last Christmas, his name is Collin Webb and he has a job as a teacher in the - only - elementary school in the town. She's an only child and has lived in Great Barrington her whole life, moved out of her parent's house and in with Collin last summer.

Winnie still lives at home. Has a two-year-old son, Isaac, with her ex-boyfriend Lucas Martin. They share custody of the boy. She works as a cashier at the convenience store where she was abducted from and goes to school at night, studying event-management. Her father died of a sudden heart attack when she was eight, and she has lived with her younger brother with their mother in the town their whole lives.

Rosalyn met her now husband eight years ago at a bar in another town. She's the only one of the three that hasn't lived in Great Barrington her whole life. She was born and raised in New York and that was where she met her husband, Frank Turner. After they got married they wanted to move to a small town where they could raise their kids and decided to move to Great Barrington. Their sons are three-year-old Boyd and eleven-month-old Joey. Frank has his own business as an accountant and Rosalyn is a stay at home mom,'' Penelope finished.

''This is starting to become a pattern,'' Rossi noted. ''Every time two of them have something in common that the third doesn't have.''  
''Maybe we just have to find what they all have in common,'' JJ said and looked up to find everybody nod in agreement.

* * *

Penelope turned away from the computer for a moment as the team exited the plane and she had a moment to herself. She took a deep breath, thankful there wasn't any rape in this case so she wasn't reminded of that.

If only his face, the way he had looked into his eyes, the words he had spoken would leave her alone, then maybe... just maybe, she could find a way to move on. Focus on the future instead of the past, ready to face tomorrow with a clean slate, willing to take on whatever life had in store for her.

She closed her eyes and leaned back in her chair, calm before the storm she could only guess.

It wasn't that she didn't want to help - really, she wanted to find the bastard who had killed those two women and who had taken the third innocent woman. It was just that at this point it was too much; too much at once to really concentrate on it all. If she was going to do this, she wanted to give it her best but what had happened was kind of making that a little harder than usual.

* * *

''I just can't believe this happened to her, she was so young, she had her whole future to look forward to. After the turbulence of the past few years things were finally getting better,'' Lisa Cunningham said in tears.  
''I'm so sorry for your loss,'' Emily Prentiss said as she laid a hand on the older woman's arm, trying to offer some support.

''I just don't know why he had to take her of all people. She was so sweet - she wouldn't hurt a fly...'' Lisa continued before being cut off by her own sobbing. ''She finally had a steady job, she was going to school, she was kind of getting along with Luuc, she was enjoying watching Isaac grow up... I mean, it almost looked like she was going to have it all!'' She shook her head as she buried her face in her hands.

* * *

''Is this where she was found?'' Derek asked Deputy Tiffany Farrow as they walked down the dirt road.  
''Yeah, she was found right-'' Tiffany pointed to a spot on the side of the road where a bunch of flowers had been laid down, ''-there.''

Rossi looked back behind him - they had crossed a similar scene just minutes earlier, the spot where Abigail had been found had a similar bouquet of flowers. ''Well, he obviously doesn't mind anyone finding her,'' he noted.  
''Are there a lot of places where one would be able to hide a body around here?'' Derek asked as he turned to Tiffany.

''There are woods all around the town, maybe a few spots in town where he would be able to hide them,'' she looked up at the sky as she thought about this. ''There are a lot of places where you could bury the victim without anyone finding out.''  
Derek looked up at Rossi, ''so he wanted us to find them-''

''As if he is making some kind of statement?'' Tiffany asked as she looked back and forth between the two men.  
''Yeah... But this dirt road is more on the outskirts of the town. A spot where they would easily be found, but still secluded enough that he could take the time to put them here,'' Rossi told her.

Tiffany and Rossi both turned to look at Derek when the latter man's phone started ringing. ''Morgan,'' he said as he picked it up, walking off to have a little more privacy. He had seen on the ID that it was Garcia and though she probably had information on the case, he still wanted to question her.

''Hi, ehm... I did some digging and I found that Frank Turner - Rosalyn's husband - was arrested quite a few times for abusing his ex-girlfriend,'' Garcia said before Derek could get out another word. ''Also, his mother runs a daycare center in the town where Isaac goes from time to time and he's an accountant for Abigail and her husband.''  
Derek rubbed the back of his neck as he thought for a few seconds, ''that's really something. But it could just all be a coincidence; in a town as small as this, everybody pretty much knows everybody.''

''I just thought I'd let you know,'' Penelope said and she was about to hang up when his voice stopped her.  
''Garcia?'' He began.

She could hear the seriousness - almost sad tone - in his voice and it stopped her dead in her tracks. ''Yes?'' She asked.  
He was about to ask her what was wrong before something stopped him - if she wanted him to know she'd tell him, he shouldn't force her, ''nothing, never mind. Thanks baby girl.'' He hung up before she could respond.

Back in Quantico Garcia leaned back in her chair and let out a sigh. ''I should tell him...'' she whispered to herself.

* * *

''Maybe we like the pain. Maybe we're wired that way. Because without it, I don't know… maybe we just wouldn't feel real.  
What's that saying? 'Why do I keep hitting myself with a hammer?' 'Because it feels so good when I stop!' ''

* * *

So, maybe they're onto a lead, maybe it's nothing...? You'll find out later! Please review and let me know what you think of the case!


	4. The Damage A Man Can Do

So, I'm hoping I'm dong okay on writing the case so far. I would like to note that I have no idea how many chapters this story is going to be, I don't know yet where this case is going (nothing is set in stone yet, so if you have any ideas; please let me know!). The only thing I can promise right now is that there's a good change it'll have- kind of - a good ending *fingers crossed*!

Oh, and in case I forget to mention it later: I know I make Lynch out to be the bad guy in - pretty much - all of my stories, but I do love him on the show. I think Nicholas Brendon does a terrific job at portraying him; I just simply prefer Morgan and Garcia together!

Anyways: enjoy!

* * *

''Everyone says they're lost, I am not lost; I know exactly where I am... I just hate it here!''

* * *

The sound of her typing - her fingers flying across the keyboard - looking up all the information as fast as she could; it was the only thing she could focus on. If she'd just look away she knew she was risking the vague feeling of peace inside her mind.

If she'd look up - wanting to look at one of the many computer monitors in her lair - she'd see his face... she just knew she would.  
She wanted to believe that she could snap her fingers and wake up from the nightmare that had happened that night - that had continued in her mind every moment of every day since then.

But she knew she wouldn't.

She wouldn't be the same Penelope Garcia ever again. He'd taken away part of her innocence that night, a big chunk of her optimism that things would be okay again and that not everybody could turn evil in a split second. He had taken away a piece of what got her through everyday - or maybe not taken it away, just altered it.

Perhaps he had changed the thing that used to make her days better, into something that made her days harder to deal with. As if dealing with the responsibility of helping to lock up dangerous serial killers wasn't hard enough!

He had done all of that; and now he had the nerve to come back to work!

The days after that faithful night he had called in sick every day, maybe afraid to face her. Maybe he was worried that she had told Derek; who would be waiting for him to beat the shit out of him. Maybe Kevin was just pathetic.

Oh well; leave out the maybe. She was sure he was pathetic for what he had done to her.

But today he hadn't called in sick. She could see in the systems that he hadn't called, which only meant one thing; with a little bad luck she had to face him.  
Worst case scenario: she'd run into him in the hallway, she'd accidentaly look into his eyes, go into a rampage and have everybody find out.

She couldn't let that happen; she wouldn't let that happen.  
She just wanted to deal with it on her own. Maybe suffer in silence, if that's what you'd want to call it. The ache she felt inside when she thought about him, she could handle it. She was a grown girl who could face the problems that came with being an adult.

And there sure were plenty of problems out there: dealing with everything that had happened without feeling comfortable with telling anyone, let alone somebody who might be able to help her. And all the while trying to find some psycho serial killer.

She switched to another document and started working on something else - something she knew she had to do.

It had been a few days since the team had left for the case and she had to admit: being alone with the thoughts that wouldn't leave her alone for even a brief second... It was taking its toll on her.

She was exhausted, her head hurt, she had been nauseous for a few days, and she just flat out felt alone.  
She wanted to have someone next to her when she felt like crying. When she was at home, alone and in the dark, everything around her reminding her of him.

She let out a breath she didn't know she was holding as her hands - her fingers, really - stopped moving, and she just sat there. The sounds had faded away and she was sitting there all alone, her hands folded in her lap.

Like she was waiting for the pain to pass - something she knew would never just happen; it wasn't that simple, no matter how bad she wanted it to be.

She looked at the screen with a plain face, she saw the words but she wasn't reading them. She blinked a few times and tried to read them - as she read what she had written she realized that the lack of sleep had finally gotten the better of her.  
Stupid small spelling mistakes in what she had just wrote. It was her version of what had happened that night, if she could write it all down then she could let it go. Or maybe that was just an illusion - that in fact it would only make things worse.

The story... it was messed up, out of order - not to mention the grammar and spelling mistakes. But that didn't matter, she could feel all the emotion she had put in it, and that was what mattered most.

She took of her glasses and started rubbing the sleep out of her eyes while suppressing a yawn.

A sudden knock at her door startled her and she spun her chair around. She waited a few seconds before she stood up out of her chair in one fluid motion and took the few steps to the door. She cleared her throat before opening it.

She used to be okay with people just walking in and out of her lair - but now... she really didn't know. Was it something she should still be okay with despite what had happened?

For all she knew it could be-

''Kevin,'' she said startled as she looked at the man who had just moments ago knocked on her door - breaking through what had not been a peaceful morning anyway.  
''Penny,'' he said with a slight nod, blushing. He knew it was wrong of him to go to her office, making all of this even harder on her than it already was. But his boss had told him that he needed to help her on some case... and really, who was he to not follow orders?

He was about to say sorry, to explain while he was there, to beg her for forgiveness, to tell her that he had realized he had been a fool for doing all those things to her.

He really was - but he knew she wouldn't listen, and even if she did; she wouldn't believe him.

He saw the look on her face, the shock in her eyes that he had dared to show up. And in one swift motion she moved passed him, slamming the door behind her - and left the building before he could even turn around and say another word.

* * *

As soon as she had heard the door close behind her she had exploded in tears, gasping for air as if she hadn't breathed all the way to his house - Derek's house.

She knew he wasn't there but the smell of the sheets, it calmed her. It was just what she needed at that moment. Laying there - in his bed - she felt like she was home. She could almost feel his arm around her - trying to comfort her - and it wasn't long before she felt her eyes close and she sank away into a deep dream.

_''Pen, the movie is going to start soon!'' She looked down at the ground as she heard Derek's voice. __  
__It was one of their movie nights. He had just started the movies, skipping past the trailers for other upcoming movies, while she was making the popcorn. _

_It was the first time she would be able to talk to him since it had happened - face to face that is. She knew she had to tell him... but maybe she shouldn't. _

_What if he'd think it was her own fault, that she had provoked Kevin? What would she do then? What if everybody she would ever tell think that it was her fault? I mean, in a sense maybe it was... If she hadn't pissed him off the way she had, if she hadn't implied that she really did love Derek more than Kevin... then none of this would have happened. _

_She grabbed the popcorn bowl off the counter and walked back into the lving room, sinking down next to him on the couch. She grabbed the remote off the coffee table and paused the movie. _

_Derek looked over to her, and she could tell that he had meant to ask why she had paused it, before he saw her eyes. The look on his face made tears well up in her eyes, it was so sweet - so sincere. _

_''Baby girl, what's wrong?'' He asked her as he laid one hand on her arm. __  
__She was surprised when she didn't flinch, but decided not to think too much of it. ''Derek, I have to tell you something,'' she said a little quiet. _

_He turned a bit so he could face her, ''okay. What's wrong?'' He asked her. __  
__''Remember when I told you that Kevin and I broke up?'' She asked him, looking into his dark eyes. He gave her a slight nod. ''Well, I didn't tell you why we broke up,'' she continued, putting the emphasis on the word 'why'. _

_He just sat there quietly, waiting for her t continue. __  
__''See, we had an argument because he was convinced that I'm in love with you,'' she began, looking down at her hands. ''He asked me if I loved you more than I love him, and I said that I did,'' she paused to see his reaction. _

_He sat back a little bit, ''okay...'' He said, raising one eyebrow. ''And that's why you two broke up?'' _

_She was quiet for a moment, trying to choose the right words for what she was going to say next. ''He got pissed off by that and he...'' she choked up a bit but decided not to let that bother her, ''he raped me.'' _

_There! She had told him and now he could help her. Help her move on; help her realize that it wasn't her fault. _

_When he still hadn't said anything after a few seconds she looked up from her hands to his face. _

_She could feel her heart stop when he chuckled, ''Penelope, don't joke with me like that. We both know he would never do that!'' He shook his head as he let out a loud laugh before taking the remote from her and pressing play - turning his attention back to the movie. _

_She took it back from him and pressed pause again before grabbing his arm - forcing him to look at her. ''No, Derek. He did! We got into this argument, he yelled at me, he threw stuff at me, and then he raped me!'' She said in tears. _

_''Penelope, we both know he didn't do that; there is no way he would ever do anything like that! And even if he did - which I'm not saying is true - it was kind of your own fault, don't you think? You just told the man that you love somebody else more than you love him, no wonder he got mad about that,'' Derek told her before he scoffed. He let out a small chuckle, ''rape? Yeah, right!'' _

Penelope shot up in the bed, breathing heavily with tears streaming down her face. ''No...'' she let out a small whimper. ''Derek would never react like that,'' she said to herself as she got out of the bed and walked into the small bathroom.

She shook her head as she filled the glass - which was standing next to the sink - with water in silence.

''He would never do that...''

* * *

''Truth will always be truth, regardless of lack of understanding, disbelief or ignorance.'' W. Clement Stone

* * *

Okay, so I'm sorry for making Derek evil like that, it's necessary for future chapters. Also, I would like to apologize for my lack of updating - and I'm sorry if this chapter is completely insane, I'm on painkillers at the moment and they're making me crazy.

Please review!


	5. MO's?

Okay, so thankfully I do have a lot of inspiration for the story; I just have trouble figuring out when certain things should happen and how to write it all down.  
I have written another story as a way to brainstorm for this story so this chapter is pretty much the result of that!

Also, I want you all to know that I don't understand a thing about the human body - meaning, I do know some things but I don't have the English words for it. Because of this it might all sound a little strange when I write about the murders and stuff like that - but I'm doing research and just trying to do my best, so please bear with me.

So... enjoy!

* * *

''If I behave as though this is a completely normal situation, then maybe it will be …'' Sophie Kinsella, _Shopaholic Takes Manhattan_

* * *

Derek walked into the small-town police station - rubbing his neck - as he sat down on one of the unoccupied chairs. ''Kevin checked out Frank Turner - Rosalyn's husband - but he had an alibi for both other kidnappings,'' he told Emily who was sitting in front of him.

''So basically we're back to it could be anyone?'' She asked him as she bit her lip. Suddenly she thought about what he had just told her, ''wait? What do you mean Kevin checked it out, where's Garcia?''

''Kevin was ordered to help Garcia with this case, I'm not sure why,'' Derek said. ''I imagine she's not too thrilled about it since they broke up. She actually went home sick this morning.''  
Emily looked up at him with a frown, ''wait? They broke up?'' She asked him surprised, wondering why Garcia hadn't told her.

''Yeah,'' Derek said as he flipped through one of the files on the table.

They both looked up when Hotch and Rossi walked into the room, ''Rosalyn Gardner was found dead on the side of a road about 10 minutes ago.'' Hotch announced to them.

* * *

''Just pick up,'' Derek said, mainly to himself, as he waited for her to pick up her damn phone.  
''Penelope!'' She answered with just her name.

''Baby girl,'' he said in a singing voice. Usually it didn't matter how sick she got - she would always keep working. Now she didn't sound the least bit sick and she had called in sick and stayed home. In short; he really wanted to know what was going on with her.

''Derek,'' she said surprised right before she faked a cough. She knew he had probably already figured out that she wasn't really sick - except maybe sick of Kevin - but she could at least pretend, right?  
''Baby girl, I know you're not really sick so you can stop pretending,'' he told her.

She was silent for a moment as she bit her lip, ''fine,'' she finally answered.  
''Now do you want to tell me what's wrong?'' He asked her as sincere as he could. He knew she'd been having a hard time since the break up and all, but she wasn't even acting like herself anymore. There had to be more to it, he just knew it.

He could hear her snuffle - and try to hide it - and waited patiently for her to answer him. ''I just...'' she let out small sigh, ''it's a long story.'' She said through her tears, hoping he wouldn't notice them.

''You know you can tell me anything, right?'' He asked her just to be sure.  
''I know, but I'm not sure I'm ready to tell you... or anyone else for that matter,'' she said honestly.  
''Okay, just let me know,'' he said with an almost sad kind of smile.

''I will,'' she promised before she hung up.

In Great Barington Derek stood in the middle of the police station, just looking at his cell phone after she had hung up. He couldn't help but worry about whatever was making his baby girl so unhappy - even if he didn't know what it was.

* * *

''Again, there's a blue wire,'' Emily noted as she looked down at the body of the young woman.  
''Still in the same clothes she was in when she was kidnapped, no reason to believe there has been any kind of sexual assault - just like with the other cases,'' Derek added.

Emily just gave a slight nod in response before both looked up at the medical examiner that was checking out the body as well. ''Judging by her temperature and the weather conditions out here I'd say she's probably been dead for - at the most - 5 hours,'' the older man - he had introduced himself as Dr. Arnold Griffiths - told them.

''He sure tried to get rid of her fast,'' Emily said as she stood back up.  
''The other two women had been dead longer before he dumped their bodies,'' Arnold noted without looking at Derek and Emily.  
''He's going back to the 'two of them have something in common that the third one doesn't','' Derek said with a frown. Despite how worried he was about Penelope he still had to focus on his job - lucky for him, he was good at pushing things like that to the back of his mind.

''There's also another difference; the other two women were strangled,'' Arnold said.  
Emily and Derek shared a look when he didn't continue. ''And she isn't?'' Emily asked, motioning to the blue wire.

''No. She has several stab wounds to her abdomen, considering the amount of blood around it and the fact that there doesn't seem to be a lot of bruising around her neck, I'd say that the blood loss from the stabbing was the leading cause of death,'' Arnold told them as he looked up from the body back to them.

Emily gave a slight nod before turning on her heel and she and Derek started walking back to the car they arrived in.  
''That doesn't really make sense - he just totally changed his MO,'' Derek said with a frown.  
''Or he has found himself a partner,'' Emily suggested as she opened the car door.

* * *

''Okay, so Frank Turner is clean. Now where do we start?'' Tiffany Farrow asked the team in front of her.  
Reid took a deep breath and turned around to look at the map of the town behind him, ''well, we already know that he's from here or has lived here for years. He's got to have some place where he can keep the women since he keeps them alive for a week before he kills them,'' he told the police officers in front of him.

''He easily blends in and knows a lot of people from around here; he most likely even knew all of his victims before he took them and knew their families as well. When he took the women he didn't stand out at all, nobody worried that he was out to harm anyone so he comes across as a friendly guy,'' Rossi added.

''Considering the amount of abuse the women have endured we think that he is unemployed or has a part-time job, something that would leave him with plenty of time to be with his victims. He's most likely unmarried or divorce and doesn't have any children. We also think that he's in his late twenties to early thirties. He has a criminal record but for nothing major, considering the amount of anger he takes out on his victims we think that he might have been arrested for violent behavior in the past,'' Hotch said.

''He's most likely from a broken home and doesn't have any siblings. He didn't have a role model growing up, showing him how to deal with his emotions. Because of this he doesn't know how to deal with the anger inside of him so he takes it out on others,'' Derek said.

''Because the MO changed during the most recent murder we're not ruling out that it's two people committing these murders together. It is very well possible; but only with the most recent victim we had any reason to believe there was a second person involved, not with the order two. This could mean that the second person has only helped commit this last murder and not the other two so look out for two friends of which one has just recently come into town,'' Emily continued.

''We do believe that these women are a surrogate for somebody else even though they don't look alike as is often the case with surrogate victims. However, there's something else that these three women have in common that has made him decide to choose them. We don't know yet what it is, but it could be something that made him mad or that he has linked to something bad that has happened to him in the past,'' JJ told them.

Derek looked up as he saw two older people - most likely a couple - walk in, in the corner of his eyes. He turned back to the other police officers before frowning and looking back at the couple. ''Oh my God...'' he muttered.

* * *

Penelope sat back down on the couch with her coffee mug in her hand, picking up the article of the rape center she had printed out earlier and just left there. She just sat there - staring at the wrinkled page in front of her, sipping her coffee.

She couldn't decide what to do. She wanted help dealing with what she was going through but she herself could barely apprehend it. It just didn't seem - sound? - like anything that would ever happen to her. It happened to the poor women on her screen that had been taken by psychos. Not her, just a normal woman with a job and a - now - ex-boyfriend who had once loved her deeply before he had gone crazy.

_Rape._

Such a short, simple word that had now turned her world upside down. How could she let this happen? How could she have put herself in a kind of situation where this could happen?

It were questions that were never going to leave her alone - she just knew it.

No! You know what; the question wasn't supposed to be: 'how could I have let this happen?'. It was supposed to be: 'where did he get the nerve to do something like that?'. What had possessed him that night?

Her hands were slightly shaking as she got up off of the couch and walked to the bathroom. She leaned on the sink as she turned her attention to the mirror which was now in front of her. She looked at her blonde, curly, messy hair. Her sleepy eyes, the lack of make-up... And she almost pitied herself that she had allowed it to take that much control of her.

There were people out there who had it so much worse than here, who had to go through this daily. And here she was feeling sorry for herself. Maybe it wasn't even that big of a deal; I mean, 1 out of every 4 women in the US get raped, one every two minutes. And now she was just on the wrong side of that line.

And besides; it would only be a big deal if that was what she made it. If she could just tell herself that she didn't have it that bad, that she was doing fine, she would be. Right?

As she caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror she knew she was just fooling herself; it would never be nothing. It would never be something that she could just easily forget.

Heck, she couldn't even tell herself what had happened for what it really was. How was she ever going to talk to anybody else about it?

''I...'' she began but she couldn't say it. She took a deep, shaky breath and looked herself in the eyes in the mirror. ''I was raped,'' she told her reflection and for a split second there was complete silence in her head, her eyes were dull and it looked like all the life had been drained out of her as she had said those words.  
The questions that wouldn't leave her alone had stopped and it was just her again.

However, it was only a few seconds before she sunk to the cold ground and started to cry.

* * *

"If you place a small value on yourself, rest assured, the world will not raise your price." _A Philosopher_

* * *

So that was it for this chapter. I hope I did okay with it - because for some reason it was quite hard to write. Also, who knows; Derek might be onto something. That's for me to know and for you to, hopefully, find out soon.

Anyways, I hope y'all enjoyed it and please review!


	6. Death in the Mind of Someone Living

Okay, so I just want you all to know that I'm very thankful for all of your reviews! I read all of them and if there are any suggestions for the story in them I do think about them and try to work it into the story. I would also like to apologize about the fact that I don't respond to all of your reviews.

Also, I'm not sure about this but some might think part of this case is offensive. I apologize in advance for this - it was just the way I chose to write it.

Other than that, enjoy!

* * *

''The possession of knowledge does not kill the sense of wonder and mystery. There is always more mystery.'' Anaïs Nin

* * *

''This guy isn't wasting any time, he's already taken his next victim,'' Hotch told the team as they all gathered in one of the separate rooms the police station had. He looked around at everyone and frowned, ''where's Morgan?''  
''He's on the phone with Kevin,'' JJ told him as she picked up some of the papers that were on the table.

''How many people live in Great Barington?'' Emily asked as she got her cell phone out of her pockets.  
''12,000,'' Reid answered without having to think about.  
Emily looked at Hotch, ''when Derek is finished talking to Kevin I can go call him and try to narrow that list down a bit and we can keep narrowing it down as we find out more.'' She told him and he gave her a nod.

They all turned around when they heard someone at the door, only to find Derek with a shocked expression on his face. ''Emily do you remember when we talked to Lisa Cunningham - Winnie Cunningham's mom?'' He asked her and she nodded at him. ''Did you notice anything odd about her?''  
''Ehm,'' she hesitated for a moment - thinking about this. ''I don't know.''

''When you compare her to the picture of Winnie, what do you notice?'' He asked her.  
As Emily turned around to look at the photo it suddenly dawned on her, ''you mean that Lisa is black and Winnie is white?'' She asked him.

''Right! And I just figured her dad was white. A half an hour ago Rosalyn Goodall's parents came in as well and they're an interracial couple as well. I had Kevin check it out; Abigail Thomson's mom was white and her father was black,'' he told them.  
''You're saying that this guy is choosing his victims because their parents are a black-and-white couple?'' Tiffany Farrow asked from the doorway.

''Probably, yeah,'' Derek told her.  
''JJ, call Kevin and ask him to check Leah Grant's parents out as well,'' Hotch told her and she walked off with her cell phone.  
''Wait? He has already taken another woman?'' Derek asked. As he was on the phone with Kevin when they were told about this, he had missed it. Rossi just nodded at him.

''Is there a lot of racism in this town?'' Rossi asked Tiffany.  
''Ehm, there's some. Look, Great Barington is very diverse - racially, at least - so there will always be discrimination. But I think it's mostly in high school that the kids are teasing each other - the adults tend to accept the other adults more for who they are,'' she told them.  
''That fits in with the profile, that he is still quite young. Maybe he just hasn't moved on from those feelings he had in high school,'' Reid told the team.

''Perhaps he didn't get along with a girl at his school who was the daughter of an interracial couple and that's why he's choosing these women,'' Rossi added.  
''I can go ask around if anyone here knows somebody who fits that profile,'' Tiffany told them before walking back into the main room of the police station.

''And I'll make sure Kevin gets this new information,'' JJ told them before walking off as well.

* * *

'If Derek was here, what would he tell me? He'd probably tell me I'm on the verge of losing my mind', she thought as she poured herself another cup of the hot, steaming coffee. 'He'd tell me that I have to find a way to cope with it all, he'd tell me...'

Blank.

That was all. She ran a hand through her hair as she sat down at the kitchen table and looked around the apartment. In order to deal with it she had to feel safe, which was the last feeling that came to mind being here. _Here_, where all of this happened in the first place.  
If she was going to allow it to take control of her than she would put off living her life. Wait for the suffering to end, hoping that Heaven would offer some comfort. Sure, it could do that, but it still wasn't living.

It was not her; taking the control over her own life and doing as much as she could to make it as good as possible. She had always thought of one particular thing that would make her life complete: a good relationship.  
She even knew who she wanted it to be with: Derek. Her own chocolate thunder. But now... who knew. She'd have to learn to trust a guy to come close to her, she'd have to learn that it was okay for a guy to touch her.

She had to rediscover that not every man was out to hurt her.

Garcia buried her face in her hands and took a deep breath. Sitting there, at the kitchen table; kind of hoping for a miracle, she couldn't help but wonder. Wonder how all those other women dealt with it, how they had gotten that sense of control back.  
She shook her head for no particular reason; just hoping she could be a child again. Going back to those times when all she really had to think about was what she wanted for Christmas and her birthday.

Back to the times when she didn't have this burning ach in her chest. Back when there was just nothing; no deep thoughts, no worries, no pain...

But no, she was stuck here. She thought about how the case was going, having to fill in most of the blanks since she didn't know the latest updates. She thought about the what ifs: what if there was a way that she could talk to other people without having to worry about them not understanding what she was going through...

Bingo!

* * *

Kevin glanced up at the mirror as he was washing his hands. He felt disgusted and proud at the same time; not a very good combination. He felt proud because he had taken all of the control, something he could do despite what his father had told him over and over again. He felt disgusted because of what he had to do to prove that to himself.

He swallowed hard as he grabbed a couple of paper towels and started to wipe off his hands, finger for finger before drying the rest of his hand - repeating the process on his other hand after he was done. A nervous habit he couldn't get rid of.

As he walked through the hallways back to the lair he could feel that all the eyes on him, they knew what he had done - he could feel it in his gut. They were all going to find out that he was no better than the criminals they chased day after day. He scratched the back of his neck as he closed the door - her door - behind him and sat down in the desk chair.

As he looked at all the screens in front of him he could see his reflection - a big smile graced his face. He knew that he could change what was on them with the right passwords, which he all knew, and he could help the team solve the case or make them not find the UnSub. Obviously he would never do that - it was the fact that he could that counted.

He logged back in and continued his search.

However, it was only a matter of seconds before the same old thing showed up in the corner of his eye and caught all of his attention. It was that _damn_ picture of her with her... hot stuff. He couldn't help but despise all the nicknames they had given each other. None of his friends had girlfriends who were calling other guys those kinds of names - and he wouldn't accept it any longer either. He ran one hand through his short hair - not taking his eyes off of the picture - before grabbing it off the desk and throwing it into the wall behind him.

He could hear the glass break, he could see all the different pieces on the floor and he grinned. Perfect!

Perhaps not being able to take it any longer was also why the UnSub had chosen these victims - he felt like they had to be taught a lesson. He wondered what the latest victim - Leah Grant - had done to deserve it and started to dig deeper into the past of the beautiful young woman.

He glanced over at the picture of her that was up on one of the screens - with her dark skin and black hair she looked a lot like the first victim. She was engaged to a rich guy who owned most of the local shops. She was smart; having finished both high school and college early and was now starting her own business, being an agent for aspiring actors.

He found that she and her fiancée had been looking for houses in Los Angeles - which was quite far away. Clearly not a small town girl. He looked for everything he could find about her and e-mailed it to the team in Great Barington.

When he was done he leaned back in the chair, putting his hands behind his head in a relaxed position. Between his job, his ability to move on from Penelope and everything else that was going on in his life he just had to say it: ''Life sure is good.'' He smiled to himself.

* * *

As Garcia got out of the car she could feel an unsafe feeling wash over here - but she decided to ignore it. Perhaps tonight she could find a way to get rid of some of that. She could find a way to get her sense of security back into her life.

As she walked to the wooden door a million thoughts ran through her mind, but it all came to an end when she read the words on the poster next to the door: 'Every Two Minutes, Another Woman Is Raped'... maybe she wasn't as alone as she felt after all.

She took a deep breath before grabbing the door knob.

* * *

''You are never strong enough that you don't need help.'' César Chávez

* * *

Please review and give me some feedback on how I'm doing on the case and describing all the different feelings!


	7. I Could Use Some Help, Y'Know?

I absolutely love how fast I've been uploading these past two days so I'm going to try to keep it up! So, I've been very excited to write this chapter because of some of the things that happen in it. I know the beginning is kind of slow but please bear with me!

I - as always - would like to thank all of you for your reviews. They keep me really motivated to write the next chapters! I would also like to thank Jenny Crum for helping me with this chapter!

Enjoy!

* * *

''We hang out, we help one another, we tell one another our worst fears and biggest secrets, and then just like real sisters, we listen and don't judge.'' Adriana Trigiani, _Viola in Reel Life_

* * *

''It has been so long but still... the memories of that night just won't leave me alone.''  
''The flashbacks, the nightmares, it all seems so real when I see them flashing before my eyes. It takes me back to that dark place...''  
''For me it's the smell. I never saw the face of the man that raped me but when I smell that scent... I can almost feel his hands on my shoulder again.''

As Garcia listened to the other women talking she felt tears burn behind her eyes. It made it sound like things were never going to get better. Heck, some of these women - for whom it had been months since their rape - sounded worse off than her.

She felt her body stiffen when one of the women turned to her. Garcia knew who it was: JoAnna Stevenson, the woman who ran this whole thing. ''Would you like to tell us what happened to you?'' She asked sincerely.

Garcia could feel her mouth go dry and she sat up a little straighter. ''Ehm, my name is Penelope Garcia and six days ago I was rape by my boyfriend... Well, ex-boyfriend now,'' she began. Hearing herself say those words out loud in a completely safe environment, it felt like the weight of the world had been lift off of her shoulders.

''I work with him... The first couple of days after it had happened he called in sick every day. When he came back I found out we had to work on something together and I just couldn't handle it. I went home sick and ever since I just feel like I'm going crazy. I'm pretty much home the entire day, which is also where he raped me so that isn't helping...'' She trailed off and let out a breath she didn't know she was holding.

''I came here because I felt I needed some support dealing with this, a safe place where I can deal with it at my own pace, y'know?'' She asked and the other women nodded in agreement.  
''That is the exact reason why this chat group was started. I think every woman who has been raped could use some support,'' JoAnna told her - and everybody else - with a slight smile.

''When I was raped - almost ten months ago - I just felt like I was all alone. That nobody knew what I was going through, that nobody could help me and that I had to deal with all of it on my own... It was awful,'' one of the women said. She wiped her long brown hair out of her face and Garcia could notice the sad expression on the woman's face.

Garcia felt glad she had come here. Being a rape victim was really taking the life out of here but being around all these people who understood her - she knew it would help her. As she looked away from the brunette a poster on the wall caught her eye: 'You're not a Rape Victim, You're A Rape Survivor' it said. Garcia smiled to herself - she almost felt proud, she could be doing a whole lot worse.

''I think that the key to getting your life back on track is - is to keep looking for how far you're willing to go. And slowly get all of the control back,'' a little blonde told the rest of the group.

* * *

'Just one step at a time, looking for boundaries. Possibly crossing those boundaries... And I can do this; I just have to go in there and face him and tell him to get the hell out of my chair!'

She knew he was going to be in there, in her chair, using her screens [or well, technically they were the FBI's but whatever] and she wasn't going to allow it any longer.  
She took a deep breath and swung open the door. And she was right; he was just sitting there, typing away on her keyboard. As he heard the door open he spun around in the chair - now facing her.

''I want you out of here!'' She yelled at him, keeping a straight face; not showing him that she was terrified to be in the same room as him. ''I want you to get out of this room, out of my life and stop taking over all of the control over my life!'' She felt all of the anger come back up, and even if she had wanted to stop yelling at him she wouldn't be able to: ''I can't believe you've got the nerve to rape me and then walk back in here like nothing happened - like you didn't do anything wrong...''

''Penelope!'' Kevin stood up as well and held up his hands almost in a calming way.  
''Just leave me alone,'' she said, she was close to tears and she knew he could hear it in her voice. She didn't care anyway - there were so many other employees in the building that he couldn't hurt her.

As she waited for him to leave they were both silent for a few seconds before he turned around. Her jaw dropped when he started to talk again: **''Hotchner, sir, I'm going to have to call you back**,'' Kevin said before ending the phone call. He looked at the shocked expression on her face one last time before walking out of the room - leaving her there.

As Garcia heard the door close behind him she sank down in her chair. She felt like she couldn't breathe, like she was choking on something as the tears poured down her face uncontrollably.

* * *

''So, did Lynch find our guy?'' Rossi asked. Just as he had walked into the room Hotch had hung up the phone. As Hotch turned around, Rossi could see the shocked look on his face, ''is something wrong?'' Rossi asked.  
''No, I ehm... You can call Garcia on the same number, you and Reid can narrow down the list more with all the new information that we've got. I have to go talk to JJ and Prentiss,'' Hotch said before walking out the door.

As Rossi dialed the number the number Reid walked in - having been told to help Rossi. ''Hi, Garcia?'' Rossi asked, wanting to make sure it was her and not Lynch.  
''Ehh,'' Garcia quickly logged into the different programs, ''yes?''  
''Do you have the list Lynch was working on?'' Rossi asked her as he sat down in one of the many steel chairs in the room. He looked at Reid as the latter man sat down as well, while gathering some of the papers of the table.

Garcia checked the different screens and soon found it, ''yes, I do.'' It was the list with all 12,000 people who lived in Great Barington.  
''Okay, narrow it down to males born between 1978 and 1988,'' Rossi said. He could hear her typing on the computer.  
''Take off all the people with a full-time job,'' Reid told her and waited until she stopped typing again, ''also take off all the men who are either married or have children.''

''All the men who have lived here for less than 5 years can also go off the list,'' Rossi said as he looked at the profile they had set up.  
''Okay, I have six men left,'' Garcia told them.  
''Do any of them have a criminal record?'' Reid asked.  
''Ehm, let's see. Only 2 do, Leroy Matthews and Eric Weston,'' Garcia told them. ''Leroy Matthews has been arrested and has gotten two DUI's. Eric Weston has been arrested for several cases of violence, which include beating his neighbor's dog to death and getting into a bar fight.''

''Does he have a history of racism of any kind?'' Rossi asked as he stood up.  
As Garcia was checking through all of the information popping up on her screen something caught her eye, ''in high school he got suspended for beating up a girl from his class after she had been teasing him, let me see...'' as she pulled up all of the information on her screen it confirmed her suspicions: ''and the girls name was Leah Grant.''

''The girl who got taken today,'' Reid said as he looked up at Rossi.  
''I'm sending his address to you right now,'' Garcia said as she hit the send-button.

''Thanks Garcia,'' was the last thing she heard before hearing the beeping - confirming that they had hung up. She sank back into her chair - she had done her part of the job, now she could only hope they'd be okay.

* * *

Derek was driving alone when he got the text message with the address. He had gone out with Emily that morning to an interview with one of locals - one who might've had more information. Emily had gone to another interview alone after Hotch had called and had asked Derek to come back to the station.

He looked at the address and recognized it from the map of the town they had hanging in the police station. It was more on the outskirts of town and in a completely different direction than the police station. He put his cell phone away and turned around - he might as well go there now and wait for the rest of the team there.

As he got there he found - which was, without a doubt - a more expensive home than most of the other in the small town. He walked through the gate up to the blue front door - making sure to stay a little hidden so whoever was in the house couldn't see him, but he could still check it out a bit.

It was moments like this when he felt totally useless - having to wait for the rest of the team when he knew that their victim was in there.

He spun around when he heard a loud scream come from inside. He looked around to see if anyone was on the street that he had to worry about - but everything was clear. He walked up to the front door and just as he kicked in the door he heard another scream - definitely the voice of a woman. He kept his gun in position as he walked into the house.

He looked around carefully as he slowly made his way down the hallway - checking every room he came across while also watching his own back. As he made his way through the kitchen he found a door which was left ajar. He opened the door a little further - keeping his gun in position. He took a deep breath and threw a quick glance inside...

''Drop your gun,'' the words were spoken clear and loud and he could feel something cold - metal? a gun? - being pressed into the back of his head.

* * *

''There are no mistakes in life, only lessons.'' Unknown Author

* * *

Please review!


	8. The 'Why' Factor

Second to last chapter. This chapter will finish the case and I can only hope it's kind of okay/believable.

Enjoy!

* * *

''We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.'' Eleanor Roosevelt

* * *

''Where's Morgan?'' Emily asked as they arrived at the address Garcia had given them.  
''Well, his car is here,'' Rossi pointed out as he glanced over at the SUV parked on the side of the road.

Emily frowned at the car - she knew it was the one Derek had taken. As she looked around her jaw dropped when she noticed that the front door to the house was open. ''Rossi,'' as he looked back at her she pointed to the door.  
'There's a rule about not going in alone for a reason,' he thought to himself as he pulled out his gun.

He could hear the sirens and the other police cars arrive as well, and it took barely ten seconds before several cars had arrived. As Hotch walked up to him he pointed to the door, ''looks like he's already gone in.'' Rossi told him.

* * *

''Keep walking,'' he heard the voice say. Derek took a few steps down the stairs and the man behind him - Derek couldn't remember his name all of a sudden - switched on the light.  
Derek could see Leah Grant tied up in a wooden chair on the concrete floor.

''Sit!''  
Derek turned around to look at the man behind him and he got pushed to the floor - considering the man had taken his gun he figured it would be best not to fight him.

'''Look at what you did! Because of you I know have to kill him as well,'' the man shouted at Leah, aiming his gun at Derek.  
Derek looked at the young woman who - from what he could tell - was sobbing quietly. Looking back at the man he tried to remember his name - was it Alec?

As - Alec? Alex? - walked back over to him, keeping his gun aimed at Derek, he saw how Leah closed her eyes. Just as he could feel the cold metal being pressed against him temple he could hear sirens outside. He was close to letting out a sigh of relief but the gun was kind of holding him back.

Derek could see that the UnSub was going to panic - something which usually led to being way too impulsive.

''Damn it,'' he could hear the younger man mutter before he turned back to Derek. He rubbed his eyes for a second with his left hand as his right hand kept clutching the gun even though he had dropped it to his side. The man swallowed hard and raised his hand again - aiming back at Derek. Derek closed his eyes - he knew the team was already at the house, but they were running out of time.

As soon as he heard the gunshot he stopped breathing. Nothing. What? When Derek heard the footsteps rushing down the stairs he opened his eyes again only to look into Emily's dark eyes checking him over, ''are you okay?'' She asked.  
''Fine,'' he answered - feeling a little distraught.

He could see their UnSub lying on the floor behind Emily - but he didn't feel a thing. Usually he had plenty of emotions washing over him when he saw somebody dead, even if it was an UnSub. But now he didn't feel the relief, the glad that it was over, the pain for killing someone somebody loved - even if it was a serial killer – instead he just felt... empty.

Derek buried his head in his hands for a second before taking a deep breath and getting up off the floor - he caught a glimpse of Leah being guided up the stairs by Reid and Derek turned to look at Emily. She just gave him a little smile before they walked back up the stairs together.

* * *

_Power and the money, money and the power_  
_Minute after minute, hour after hour_  
_Everybody's running, but half of them ain't looking_  
_What's going on in the kitchen, but I don't know what's cookin'_  
_They say I gotta learn, but nobody's here to teach me_  
_If they can't understand it, how can they reach me_  
_I guess they can't, I guess they won't_  
_I guess they front, that's why I know my life is out of luck, fool_

Derek listened to the music being blast into his ear as he leaned his head back and closed his eyes. For once, he didn't care what the music was about; as long as it helped him escape from everything going on around him. And what is better for that than some old school rap? He barely even listened to the lyrics - which didn't matter, he knew them by heart - but just listened to the familiar melody.

He felt a tap on his arm and opened his eyes, as he watched Hotch sit down in front of him he took his headphones off. As he turned off his iPod as well he began talking: ''I'm sorry I didn't wait for you guys.''

''You know you could have gotten yourself killed right?'' Hotch asked, Morgan just nodded.  
''I heard Leah scream. I was worried that he was going to kill her so I just did what I thought was right,'' Morgan explained.  
''You knew the profile, you knew that he would wait for seven days after he took her before he killed her,'' Hotch responded.

Morgan just kept quiet. He knew Hotch was right; there was no way around it.

''I'm sorry, I just didn't think,'' he responded as he rubbed his neck.  
''That's right, you didn't. And it's not the first time - so far you've gotten lucky every time and have come out of it okay. But you might not always get this lucky. I appreciate everything you do for the team - we all do - you deal with unexpected situation well and that's a good quality. But I need you to think longer about what you're going to do before you do them,'' Hotch told him.

''I'll work on it,'' Morgan simply replied.  
''There's one other thing I need to talk to you about. I know you and Garcia are close... - did she tell you about her and Lynch?'' Hotch asked him.  
''Yeah, she told me,'' Morgan said, looking away.

Hotch kept quiet for a second as he frowned, ''she told you what happened?''  
Morgan looked back at the older men, ''yeah, she told me they broke up a couple of days ago. Why?''  
Hotch seemed to hesitate for a moment before shaking his head. ''Nothing. Just wondering,'' Hotch told him before he got up and sat down next to Rossi.

Morgan just looked at him with a frown as the two men started to talk.

* * *

''I just cannot believe that guy! I mean, all these UnSubs have the craziest reasons for why they start killing. But murdering people because some biracial girl used to make fun of you?'' Morgan exclaimed.  
He glanced over at Garcia who was in the passenger seat of his car.

After she had reluctantly agreed to a movie night they had - separately - gone back to his house. And now they were driving back from the video store.  
He had noticed she had been quiet the entire time, and honestly; he was getting pretty worried. She had her quiet moments from time to time but never like this...

''Hey baby girl, are you okay?'' He asked as he stopped for a red light.  
''I'm fine,'' she answered just a little too quickly for his likings. He knew she was thinking twice about every move she made, knowing the way he could profile her. They had agreed that he wouldn't, but from time to time he just couldn't help it; especially not when he was worried about her.

''I know I've told you this a million times before, but... you know you can tell me anything right?'' He asked her as he glanced over at her.  
''I know,'' she answered, looking away.

'I just have to get the guts to tell him what's up. Who knows? Maybe he'll be able to help me through this, somehow.' Her mind was going crazy going back and forth with this. She could tell him anything, she usually did - with limits of course. She knew he could be trusted with this information and that he wouldn't tell anyone.

But would he see her differently? Would he treat her differently? Would he see her as just a victim? She knew he wouldn't be like the way he had been in her dreams; she knew he would believe her. She took a deep breath and looked back at him.

The light had turned green again and he had started driving again. ''Derek, I...'' she began. He glanced over at her for a moment before looking back at the road - making sure to pay attention to the other cars on the road, even though there weren't many.  
''Yes?'' He asked her.

''Never mind,'' she said as she leaned back again. She just simply couldn't.  
She would beat herself up over this day in, day out. But she just couldn't tell him.

When he looked back at her she noticed the worried expression on his face - she didn't have to be a profiler to see it.

As he pulled into his driveway and stopped the car she bit her lip. She watched his every move as he unbuckled his seatbelt. She trusted him with her life but still... After what had happened she just felt the need to be extra careful.  
She swallowed hard, ''Derek. I've got something I want to tell you but I don't know how to,'' she said as he looked back at her - giving her his full attention.

''Remember when I told you that Kevin and I broke up?'' She asked him - even though she was sure he remembered. His nod confirmed this, ''well, I didn't tell you why we broke up.''

He thought about this for a second, trying to remember what she had told him exactly. ''I didn't really think about it. I just figured...'' he didn't finish the sentence. What had he figured? To be honest, he had only thought about the fact that she was single again and what that might mean for the two of them. He hadn't thought about her reasons to end it with him.

She sat still for a second, ''so Hotch didn't tell you?'' She had figured he wouldn't. Hotch knew how to keep a secret.  
They were both startled when her cell phone started ringing, ''Penelope Garcia,'' she answered - not even looking at who it was.

''Ehm, hi. It's Hotch,'' he said, sounding very unsure of himself all of a sudden.  
''Hi, sir,'' she answered. Derek knew immediately who it was because of this.  
''I just wanted to ask how you are doing,'' he said. When she didn't answer right away he started to talk again, ''I mean, I overheard your conversation with Kevin this morning and I just... I'm worried about you.''

''Thanks sir, but really; I'm okay,'' she assured him.  
''Okay,'' he said and they were both quiet for a few seconds. ''And if there's anything you need...''  
''I'll call you,'' she finished for him - knowing he probably wouldn't be the first one she'd call.

''Okay, bye,'' she heard him say.  
''Bye.'' As she finished the call she looked up to see Derek staring at her.

''What was that about?'' He asked her - hoping he didn't sound too nosy. Despite how close they were he still wanted to respect her privacy.  
''Hotch just wanted to know how I was doing,'' she said - knowing this would be confusing.  
''But-'' Derek began.

''He overheard a conversation between Kevin and me this morning in my office,'' Penelope said.  
''About the break-up?'' Derek asked and by the look on her face he could tell that this was the thing that she didn't know how to tell him.

''Derek...,'' she cleared her throat and felt the tears burn, ''Kevin raped me.''

* * *

''By not coming forward (about rape), you make yourself a victim forever.'' Kelly McGillis

* * *

So, I hope you enjoyed the chapter! Please review!


	9. Friendship Can Move Mountains

Okay, so as everybody has probably realized by now: this is not exactly a lovey dovey story like I tend to write. But I still hope everybody enjoyed and will like this last chapter!

* * *

''If we knew each other's secrets, what comforts we should find.'' John Churton Collins

* * *

Penelope watched Derek as his jaw clenched, he opened his mouth to speak but nothing came out.  
He looked away from her, ''what did you just say?'' He asked in a shaky whisper before looking back at her.

The look on his face expressed so many things: shock, disbelief, a defeated look, anger... Denial, maybe?  
She swallowed hard, ''he raped me,'' she repeated - although now it sounded more just as-a-matter-of-fact, instead of some kind of confession or explanation for her recent behavior.

There were so many things running through his mind that he didn't know what to make of it. He was thinking about so many things: how to comfort Penelope, what kind of new boundaries there would be between them, what would be the best way to help her cope with all of this, what the shortest way to Kevin's house was so he could kill him.

''We had an argument because he thought there was something going on between us... Somehow everything just spiraled out of control and he...'' Penelope explained but she couldn't finish, she just couldn't say it anymore.  
''He raped you,'' Derek repeated before his voice just trailed off. He couldn't wrap his head around the whole thing. He knew that Kevin and Penelope had had their bad moments, but he'd never thought that Kevin would use any kind of violence.

Penelope looked at the man next to her, unsure of what to say she just unfastened her seatbelt, ''let's go inside.''

* * *

As soon as Derek threw open the door he knew there was something not quite right. He wasn't in his chair, no cup of smoking hot coffee on the desk, the screens were turned off. He looked behind the door - half expecting Kevin to be hiding back there - but found nothing.  
He got snapped out of his confusion by the sound of footsteps in the hall, he turned around to see someone he didn't know passing by, ''hey sir,'' he said, trying to grab the other mans attention.

The other - older, grey hair, blue suit - man turned around, ''yes?'' He asked.  
''Do you know where Kevin Lynch is?'' Derek asked.  
The man frowned, ''didn't you hear? He handed in his resignation this morning.''

Derek stood still for a second, surprised by the news. ''Okay,'' he said, feigning a smile and giving a small nod before the other man started walking away.

Derek started walking back to the elevators. He didn't even look up when the 'ding' let him know that the doors had opened to let him get on. Derek didn't even look up before he pressed the button for the ground floor.

* * *

''You bastard,'' he whispered to himself as he repeatedly rang the doorbell. ''Lynch, I know you're in there,'' Derek shouted. No response. Derek let out a sigh, taking a few steps back to see if any of the windows where open. When he didn't see any at first glance he walked back to the door, ''you have 5 seconds before I kick this door open,'' he threatened.

As he counted back in his head he could hear footsteps, but after five seconds the door was still as locked as it had been before. ''Are you seriously hiding behind the door?'' He asked almost in disbelief.

He took a deep breath as he heard the key turn in the lock and the door swung open. As he had expected; Kevin was on the other side, ''Please don't kill me,'' was the first thing he said.  
''I cannot make any promises,'' Derek said in anger as he walked into the house and closed the door behind him.

As Derek rolled up his sleeves Kevin just stared at him, too afraid to really do anything, ''just let me explain.'' He begged as he put his hands up.  
''I doubt any explanation will be good enough,'' Derek said through gritted teeth as he took a step towards the other man. He shared a look with Kevin, Derek hesitated for a moment before he looked at his watch, ''there's no reason good enough to rape someone, but I'll give you 30 seconds before I kill you.'' Derek said as he kept his gaze on his watch.

Kevin swallowed hard, the time pressure was making him more nervous than he already was. ''We were having an argument. I was just so sick of all those 'cute' little nicknames you two give each other and she just using me because she couldn't have you. I told her that she had to choose between you and me-''

''15 Seconds,'' Derek interrupted him.  
Kevin decided not to let it bother him, ''and then when she finally admitted that she loved you more than she loved me I could just see in her eyes that she's in love with you, and something just snapped inside of me. I couldn't control myself and I feel awful for what I did. If I could turn back time and undo what I did, I would!''

''Time is up,'' Derek said as he let Kevin's words sink in.  
''Just tell her how sorry I am,'' Kevin said before closing his eyes, waiting for the first punch.  
Derek looked at him. In the past he had been sure that Kevin would be the right guy for his baby girl, that they were meant to end up together. But now... all he felt was pity. Pity that Kevin was so sad that he had turned on Penelope.

As he looked away from the younger man something caught his eyes, all the boxes that were stacked up in the small living room, ''what is all this?''  
Kevin opened his eyes at the question with a frown, ''I'm moving. I quit my job at the FBI and I found a new job in Chicago,'' Kevin said, wondering what it mattered.

Derek turned his attention back to Kevin, ''you're almost not even worth beating up, you're so pathetic you barely deserve to be paid any attention to, even if it means getting beat up,'' he said. ''You're _almost_ not worth it...''

* * *

''What did you do to him?'' Penelope asked him as she turned on the cold water. She grabbed his hands and looked at the bloody knuckles.  
''I didn't do anything he won't survive,'' Derek said.  
''You know that these kinds of things can get you fired, right?'' Penelope asked as she washed off the blood.

''I don't think Kevin will be talking to anybody at the FBI any time soon,'' Derek said with a sigh as he watched how she cleaned up the small wounds.  
Penelope looked up from his hands back to his face, ''did you break his jaw?'' She asked in disbelief.  
''No! Okay, I probably did. But some guy down at the office told me that he quit his job,'' Derek explained. ''And when I went to his apartment he told me that he was moving away.''

Penelope didn't quite know what to say. She didn't believe in violence, but now... She certainly didn't feel bad that he had gotten the crap beaten out of him.  
They both sat down at the kitchen table and she started bandaging the cuts.

''He's moving to Chicago he told me. I just wonder how that's going to happen as soon as this goes to court,'' Derek said as he started thinking about this.  
Penelope hesitated for a moment, wondering how to tell this, ''it's not going to court. I didn't get a rape kit,'' she told Derek and he looked back at her in shock.  
''You're going to let him get away with this?'' He asked as he sat up a little straighter.

When he saw the expression on her face he knew he had crossed a line, ''sorry,'' he said quietly.  
Penelope didn't respond to this. ''Don't you think it is my decision and not yours? Do you know what the odds are that he'd actually go to prison for this? I looked it up! Only 3% of all rapists will ever spend a day in jail, and besides; I just don't know if I can go through with it,'' she said in tears.

''I respect whatever decision you make and I will support you no matter what. But he confessed to me, and how about the conversation you mentioned that Hotch overheard?'' Derek asked as he took her hands in his.  
''It's not as if he confessed in that conversation, and he can deny that he ever confessed anything to you and it could be you ending up in jail for battery,'' Penelope told him, trying to make him see her point.

''But-'' Derek began  
''No. Can't there for once be no but?'' She asked him. ''I've made my decision and I'm sticking with it.''  
Derek looked down for a second, trying to except this, ''okay. It's your call.''

''Thanks,'' she simply responded as she stood back up and started to wash her hands. She could feel tears well up in her eyes - she wasn't completely sure why, but every time she thought about this whole mess she just got emotional.

Derek glanced over at her and when he could see the light reflect on the tears he stood up as well and rushed over to her. ''It's okay,'' he said as he wrapped an arm around her shoulders.  
As he could feel her entire body stiffen under his touch he quickly stepped away from her, ''I'm sorry,'' he said.

Penelope looked at him as he looked away from her, it took her a few seconds to respond, ''it's okay,'' she replied before she swallowed. ''Just please keep your distance for a while.''

He showed her a small smile, ''I'll do everything I can do, to get you through this.''

* * *

"You think you're lost but you're not lost on your own. You're not alone. I will stand by you, I will help you through when you've done all you can do. If you can't cope, I will dry your eyes I will fight your fight, I will hold you tight and I won't let go." Rascal Flatts

* * *

Aww! Well, I hope that you all thought the ending was cute! I tried to make it a kind of a happy ending despite the grim subject, so... Please review!


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